Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
