I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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