Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
