i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
