He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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