WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
