Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
