What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Randomize
