the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
