Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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