Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize