I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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