guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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