those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
