do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
