I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
