This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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