She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
too bad you live with your parents still
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
