I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Drunk is not a location!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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