Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
