I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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