i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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