Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
