I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
