I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
