my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Drake has all the answers
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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