I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
