So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
