My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
