this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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