I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
