I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The air was thick with penises
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
