one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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