youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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