fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
