YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
