I cockslap morals
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
