Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
