he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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