Betty ford says i'm here all night
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
