I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
