Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
