I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
