every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
