I just gift wrapped bread.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
