Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize