I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
This house was built for laser tag.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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