I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
