I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
