I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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