Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
