P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
