her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I need to calm my uterus...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
