Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
