Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
