he wants to bone in the snuggie
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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