It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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