hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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