Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
