you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
