the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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