Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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