you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
