we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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