so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
