my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
