oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I want her autograph on my taint
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
