you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
