That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
