He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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